Ask Will

I have decided to make my talents available to the common masses. Are you troubled? Lonely? Puzzled in general? Then Ask Will -

Dear Will,
I am considering supporting trump in the election. Is there anything I should know?
A dumbass

Dear Dumbass,

Yes! Happy to be of service. If you support trump for over 14 days you will notice lesions beginning to grow on your skin and you will catch a horrible VD. And you will deserve it. There is no known cure for this vicious form of VD save for a dick-ectomy or a hole plug depending on where it strikes you. The best advice I can give is for you to relocate to a foreign country and never return. I hope this helps,


Dear Will,

My neighbor here in Oklahoma is a very religious woman who is on about jesus endlessly and is constantly trying to convert me. She is also a trump supporter and has some horrible form of VD. What is the best way to protect myself from her unwelcome influence and VD?

Fearful in the boonies

Dear Fearful,

I recommend an electric fence. Keep your distance from her as there is no cure for that form of VD. Trumparhea. Set bottles of whiskey along the fenceline as she is weak for the drink and is often lost in it before noon. Good luck.


Dear Will,

What do suggest for a person that has Trump Derangement Syndrome so bad that they start fantasizing that they are giving coherent advice and talking to themselves?

Concerned Where They’ll be After 4 More Years

Dear Concerned.

It is apparent that you have VD and it has affected what was left of your brain. You needn’t worry about the future as trump will be gone soon. Good luck and get a checkup soon.


I was coming for a visit but I can see that was a bad idea.

and not the first time eh?

Unfortunately, no. Hence now.

I don’t really feel like receiving advice today but I did have a question.

Dear Will,

Why didn’t God accept Cain’s offering?

The next time you seek Will, make sure he is home.

That’s probably to easy for a wise old owl like Will.

How about we look at something more mysterious.

Revelation 12: 3

It has been fulfilled. Explain it for me please, Dear Will and hurry before I break out in lesions and start sneezing in your general direction.

Ask God.

I have not observed a great, fiery red dragon having seven heads and ten horns, and seven diadems on his heads. …

I’m asking you, Dear Will.

That’s because you fail to look up.

Will does not respond to bible questions. Ask your guru.

The sky was blue. No monsters in sight.

I do and I know why. If you weren’t so busy being a Pharisee it would be great conversation.